That’s a pretty ballsy name for a taco shop. I remember being referred to this place awhile back and every time we drive by we’re on our way home and say, “oh well, next time we’ll just have to see.” Well, next time finally came and it was time to see if killer taco was to die for.

From the outside the place looks like a dine in restaurant. Being waited on sounds just about right after a long day at the beach.

Ah, dang-it! We were fooled by those dark tinted windows. You mean I have to go up to the counter and order there. Oh, alright, but no tip for you.

Ray ordered a burrito, as usual. I don’t know, the man likes his burritos. I guess you can’t say anything since he’s Mexican. But for once I dare you to order a taco man, no not the pink taco, the Mexican cooked kind you dirty bastard. Ah, forget it. Get a bloody burrito.

He got the Long Board Burrito, $5.49. It came with rice, refried or black beans, choice of meat, cheese, salsa, sour cream and guacamole. As you can see the burrito was a bloody mess. The making of the burrito was poor. I can’t say that this was Ray’s worst burrito, since he’s had so many, the odds are in their favor. But I can say it was a bitch to hear him wine about it throughout lunch. “It’s so soggy. This shit is mushy, My burrito is falling apart. This taste like shit.” Oh, my God, dude, did your dick just start bleeding. Maybe you should stick a Q-tip up that thing and just shut the fuck up so I can eat my food in peace.

I ordered two chicken tacos, one crispy and one soft. They came with the usual, cheese, lettuce, salsa and choice of meat; I chose chicken. The hard taco was $2.19 and the soft was $2.29.

Uh, did someone forget the chicken? Seriously, what am I paying for, a taco shell and scraps of rabbit food.

My soft taco was served and wrapped up in aluminum tin foil. I’m gonna just go ahead and say this was a bit irritating. It probably wouldn’t have annoyed me as much if I didn’t hate my crispy taco, or if Ray had not been at my side bitching about his meal the whole time. So when it came time to eat my soft taco, I think I had already prejudged it.

But it doesn’t change the fact that this taco really was a piece of shit. This is a really sad soft taco. It was a soggy, mushy mess. I ate my flaccid taco and Ray and I quickly headed out.

Maybe we just got them on a bad day, who knows. But with so many great restaurants near by, I don’t think they’ll be seeing me for a while. Click below for directions
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Killer Tacos
66-560 Kamehameha Hwy
Haleiwa, HI96712

Get Directions(808) 637-4573

Every time we drive by I’m like, let’s go there soon. I really want to check it out. Ray cringes, and pretends he doesn’t hear me. St. Louis Drive In sits at the corner of Waialae and 3rd Ave. and is pretty easy to miss since it’s so small. The place looks a bit tore up from the floor up; the kinda place that you should mentally and physically prepare yourself for, you know, with meditation, yoga, and tums, lots of tums. This draws me for some reason.

Hey, no worries, no dress code here.

Ray ordered the Mahi Sandwich, $6.55. It looks really good, yet really weird, is that a pancake in his sandwich? After poking and observing a bit more I discover that the fish is battered with pancake mix. Did they run out of regular batter or are they trying to be innovative? A drive in being innovative? Could happen. I’m not saying the next top chef works here, but maybe it’s grandma’s secret recipe. The sandwich was alright. The batter was good at first bite but then the fish just seemed limpy, and mushy. I felt like the pancake around the fish just acted as a sponge and soaked up the grease from the grill.

I ordered the Beef Stew, $5.95. It came with two scoops of rice and a small mac salad. The rice was horrible, hard some spots and mushy other spots. The stew was atrocious, definitely left overs, probably from early that month. It wasn’t very hot, hell, it wasn’t even warm. I got one half of a potato. It was as though someone got lazy and decided to cut the potato in halves to save time, instead of pieces. The beef was the worst part though. When you think of beef stew, you think of slow roasted, super tender meat right? At least I do. The beef was like jerky. No joke. It was so tough that when I took a bite some of it managed to get stuck between the walls of my teeth. At first I was hugely disappointed with the amount of meat I got but after taking a bite, I realized it was plenty because I couldn’t find it in myself to eat any more. Yep, this definitely gets the award for Worst Beef Stew Ever Made.

“You happy now?” Ray says with a sarcastic tone. He shakes his head, and just looks at me. It’s so fucking annoying because I know what he’s thinking, that this was exactly the reason why he doesn’t like coming to places like this, because the food sucks salty donkey dick cheese. But he doesn’t say much more because he knows I wouldn’t hesitate to smash my beef stew in his face. After eating we rush home because Ray has a weak stomach and his asshole needs to throw-up. I slide open the door while he’s on the shitter and that’s when I say, “I’m happy now babe.”

I do want to add that service was friendly and prices was super cheap. They have daily specials, student specials, and grape juice. Some items I found on the menu that are super duper cheap are grill cheese - $1.45, tuna sandwich - $1.75, 3 pancakes - $3.30, loco moco - $4.80. Because of it’s cheap prices I support this place, just do yoga one hour before you come, tums are optional.

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St Louis Drive In
3145 Waialae Ave
Honolulu, HI96816

Get Directions(808) 734-3673

The India House so far is the last Indian restaurant I have left to try. I may not have written on all of them, yet, but oh, I’ve been there alright. It’s kind of sad because every time I drive by business looks dead. What makes it sad is that there’s another Indian restaurant about one block down the street and they always look packed. I’m one to believe that packed places are usually packed with sheep that don’t really know any better, I also believe in sharing the love so Ray and I took our happy asses one block over to India House.

The place is really small. When we walked in no one was there. Hello, is anyone there?

We ordered the Lamb Madras, $14.75. As you can see there was a whole lot of sauce and not much meat or other stuff. The food was alright. It’s pretty hard for me to hate Indian. However, just looking at the amount of food I was really disappointed. What is it about Indian Restaurants giving the skimpiest portions here on the island and for not very cheap? It’s so disappointing. Of course Ray had to hear me bitch during dinner. “They just need to get off that high horse because it doesn’t look like business is doing so good. Maybe, just maybe if they gave more food, then they would have more business?” Anyhow, that’s how I feel about most, not all, Indian restaurants here. I feel like they give the smallest portions for a lot of money because they take advantage of the fact that there’s like 5 Indian restaurants here.

The naan was horrible and tasted microwaved. As a matter of fact, I heard the microwave go off several times during our dine in and we were one of only two tables there. Naan should come out warm, fresh, light and super soft, after all we do have to pay for it, $2.50. This was a bit stiff in the center, like it was over-baked the first time and then just left out till someone ordered some and then microwaved.

Another disappointing factor was the rice. We ordered plain rice and we got plain Chinese white rice, $3.75. Who the hell sells Chinese rice at an Indian restaurant? Great attention to details guys, and then to charge $3.75 for it. It’s a joke. I don’t know about you but when I order just plain rice at an Indian place I’m expecting Indian basmati rice. Needless to say the rice just didn’t go right with the entre.

As you can probably tell I’m definitely not a fan. Next time I’m walking with the sheep and taking my happy ass down the block.

Here’s a few more post I found. Apparently I’m not the only unhappy customer.

Trip advisor

City Search

City Search

City Search

City Search

I would of love to linked to some positive feedback but I couldn’t find any. Doesn’t surprise me. This place is a horrible example of Indian food. Shame on them for not caring about the quality of food that bares their name.

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Indian House
2633S King St # 105
Honolulu, HI96826

Get Directions(808) 955-7552

The Eastside Grill is located right next to The Greek Corner. I’m a huge fan of The Greek Corner, so I was hoping its next door neighbor was would put out some tasty competition that was as equally affordable.

This was my fist time here so I didn’t really know what to expect. It didn’t surprise me to see a full array of liquor at the bar and several large televisions throughout the restaurant all playing a different sport simultaneously.

This was definitely a sports bar with a college, Hawaiian vibe.

You can always count on Old Captain Morgan to be there.

We ordered the Tomato Basil Pasta with Shrimp, $9.25 but we requested to have both chicken and shrimp and like always, money talks, and for a small fee, ($3.00) it was done. I really enjoyed the large shrimp. I think it came with a total of 5 pieces of shrimp. As for the chicken. I think there might have been maybe 5 pieces as well, and that’s giving them the benefit of the doubt. Although the flavor was good, the dish itself was dry. I mean, they should of just called it a pasta salad. Also, for $12.25 I didn’t get much noodles. Warning, objects in picture are a lot larger than they appear. This dish came with two pieces of garlic bread. I enjoyed them very much because they weren’t too greasy or salty.

Our friend ordered Chopped Steak Stir Fry, $7.95. As you can see in the picture, it’s “tender “unique” steak sauteed’ with mixed vegetables & toss greens.” I’m curious as to why they put unique in quotations. What’s so unique about this steak? Hummm? It’s like saying something has special sauce. What’s so special about the sauce? Yeah, uh huh, sure. Hold the special sauce, I’ll take ranch spank you very much. Just like the meat, I don’t need any “unique meat.” I’m a boring person that prefers my meat normal. Anyway, this was not my dish, it was Shane’s and he ordered as is. Pussy.

I forgot to take a picture of the dish but I did get to taste it and I can tell you nothing was unique about this dish. It was boring as hell. You know those prepackaged frozen stir fry meals you get at the grocery store, well that’s exactly what this tasted like. Just heat and serve.

For dessert I ordered a mud pie, $5.95. I was appalled when I got this. Seriously, are you guys looking at what was served to me. Is this not the skinniest most pathetic piece of pie, ever? The mud pies I’m accustomed to looks like a ginormous mess of “mud,” or kona coffee ice cream, then drizzled with chocolate sauce, covered in whipped cream, drizzled with chocolate sauce again and then sprinkled with nuts and topped with a cherry. If it sounds like I have experience in mud pies it’s because I do.

Take a closer look and what do you see, frost bite.

Not just one side but on both. Unbelievable! I envisioned myself picking up the mud pie and chucking in straight in the back of my waitresses head as she walked away, turning her into the dirty whore that she is for serving me this atrocious piece of shit.

Now here’s the worst part, when Ray tried to dig into it with his fork, the thing wouldn’t budge. It was like trying to break apart a brick with a fork. This mud pie wasn’t going down without a fight and either was Ray. Then all of a sudden half of the pie shot, not flew but shot right into the direction of the table caddy corner from us. Luckily it pierced the floor directly in front of some poor strangers foot. The whole family at the table obviously thought that we threw the pie at them, I mean how else is does food get shot across the room like that. We all roared in laughter because the whole situation was hilarious. I put my hands up, letting them know that that was so not intentionally.

Needless to say I hate this place. I can’t help but to be a little offended. What person in their right mind would send something out in that condition. Hey, there’s nothing wrong with white lies. Tell me you guys are out of pie, end of story, no ones hurt. Lie to me bitch, lie to me! The pasta was weak and service was poor. I did skim over their pupu menu and it did look tempting I have to say. I’m gonna take a while guess and say people come here for drinks. They must have really good drinks.

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Eastside Grill
1035University Ave # 103
Honolulu, HI96826

Get Directions(808) 952-6555

So right next to Tropicana lies a small taco shop called Tacos Baja. We’ve driven pass this place several times when it was still in the process of being built. I remember thinking, “We’re definitely gonna check it out. This island is in desperate need of some good Mexican food.” Well now that I’ve been here I can tell you that this place sucks donkey dick.

There’s seating outside, where you order, and seating inside.

I am a little perturbed that this place even claims to be authentic. The only thing close to being authentic is the decor, but most certainly not the food.
Ray ordered the combo chicken enchiladas meal, $6.95. It came with rice and beans and 3 enchiladas. I don’t care what anyone says, these were not chicken enchiladas. We all agreed that this tasted more like a chicken Cesar salad wrapped in a corn tortilla. Correct me if I’m wrong, but enchiladas are usually smothered in sauce and melted cheese. It doesn’t even have to be smothered, but some kind of sauce would be nice, even a little. This had no enchilada sauce what so ever, just chicken, lettuce, grated cheese and I think it was a light chipotle cream, that tasted like Cesar dressing because of the cheese that accompanied it. Even eating them were an issue. They couldn’t stay together long enough for him to shovel it into his mouth since there was nothing holding it together.
Rice, beans and dry enchiladas, wow, can somebody get me something to drink. I got cotton mouth just by looking at this picture.

As for me, I ordered shaved ice from Tropicana next door to start and two fish taco. The price for fish varies from market price. I think I paid something like $6.00 for both.

Now don’t everyone go running out the door all at once for some authentic fish tacos. Seriously, cabbage, fish and a corn tortilla, how exhilarating can a these tacos get? If you want fake Mexican food come here and don’t forget to get something to drink. If it’s authentic food you crave, this is not the place for you my friend.

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Directions

Baja Tacos
3040 Waialae Avenue
Honolulu, HI 96816
(808) 737-5893

That’s my honey, Ray. In case your wondering, no that’s not shit on his face. No, he wasn’t looking for love in all the wrong places. What is wrong with you people? Shane dared him to walk out with pudding in his face, so he decided to make good use of the pudding and next thing I know, Ray’s slapping chocolate pudding on his face and we’re on our way out the door.
Ray has this theory that food taste better when someone else makes it. Ray eats quite well because he’s less of a cook than I am. I’m going to take his theory one step further and say food taste even better when someone else makes it and when it’s free.
We pass by Perry’s Smorgy Restaurant often and not once had I the desire to give it a try, that was until Shane said he has a friend that works the counter and would gladly give him and his friends a hook up. And just like that Perry’s Smorgy sounded rather appealing. Hey, why judge a book by it’s cover.
Once in, nothing looked appetizing, so when I doubt eat sugar.

Fruit is a great way to end a meal.
The boys got the ordinary stuff.

Ray’s plate

Shane’s plate
In conclusion, the free part of this meal was huge. I don’t think we would have eaten it if we actually had to pay for it. After testing and our hypothesis in a contained environment we can say with 100% certainty that food not only taste better when someone else makes it but it will taste better when it is free as well. If you plan to pay, I suggest you take your money elsewhere but if your stubborn breakfast is $7.95, lunch is $8.95 and dinner is $11.95.

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Perry’s Smorgy Restaurants
2380 Kuhio Ave
Honolulu, HI 96815
(808) 926-0184

A while back before grocery shopping at Don Quijote I made a quick stop at Fiore Frozen Delight for some refreshing frozen yogurt. I’m a huge fan of shaved ice, so when I saw that they offered their frozen yogurt with shaved ice along with 5 toppings I couldn’t resist. The whole thing cost me $5.97 and was most definitely a waste of my money. It left an after taste in my mouth similar to that of vomit. No, this time I’m not trying to be funny, I’m dead serious. You know those times when you have a little too much to drink and burp up a little throw up and it leaves a sour taste in your mouth, that’s exactly what it tastes like. Not to mention, the ice underneath the yogurt was crunchy and hard. Shaved ice should be soft and fluffy. The toppings were scarce and not very fresh. No other flavored syrup was added to the ice. What’s the point of eating yogurt on top of ice? A lot of bites were just oreos and ice or granola and ice. The dessert just didn’t mix well. I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt. It could have been a fluke; maybe they didn’t wash their machines out enough or business hasn’t been very good so the yogurt went a little sour? Who knows.

The funny thing is, about a month later before grocery shopping we gave our roommate a call to see if he wanted to meet up for lunch. What can I say, we all just can’t get enough of each other. Anyhow, Shane ends up coming back to the table with, yep, Fiore Naturally Regurgitated Yogurt.

I said, “yuck, you like that nasty shit.”

And he goes, “I’m not really that hungry, I just wanted a snack” and then realize that I said I didn’t like the frozen treat in his hand which comes off really odd, since I have a passion for sweet treats. “What, you don’t like this?”

I explained to him that I thought it tasted like you burped up a little throw up. He takes another taste, pauses, and then goes, “now I can’t eat this, I know exactly what your talking about,” and didn’t take another bite.

Also, take a look at their ad. It just looks like throw up in a glass.

Now I’m not saying everyone will hate this. The guy next to us had some and ate every last bit of it. If your bulimic this will probably have a familiar taste for you, like moms homemade key lime pie right after you sneak away to the restroom and deep throat a coat hanger just to regurgitate it back up. Yum!

Fiore Natural Frozen Yogurt WebsiteDirections